Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Nikki's Guide to Surviving Heartbreak, Pt. 1

Hey folks. So over the weekend, the break-up happened. After moping for a few days, I figured I'd put my blog to good use (since I haven't had much time to read while moping.) So here you are. Introducing...

Nikki's Guide to Surviving Heartbreak
Things have gone horribly, horribly wrong. Maybe you are fighting all of the time, maybe your partner has cheated on you, maybe you just lost all communication. Either way, your heart is completely broken. You know the feeling. The nausea, the lack of sleep, the constant waves of sadness. Everything is hurting you, and you don't know what to do. Well, I'm here to help!

Step 1: If you know that things are beyond repair, and you're relationship hasn't ended, go ahead and end it. I know it'll hurt, and it'll be awkward, but it'll be worth it. If he/she broke your heart, then they aren't worth having it. So your first step is to end your relationship.
Now, a lot of people will say "don't break up through a text, or online, or even over the phone. Do it in person." But I'm here to tell you that you can do it in whatever way fits the situation. If your boyfriend refuses to talk to you on the phone, it's perfectly reasonable to do it online. If your girlfriend still wants to spend time with you for some reason, then you ought to do it in person. Honestly, do it however you need to. Just remember that you should show them the same amount of respect they have showed you, if not more.
With the ending of the relationship comes the changing of the Facebook relationship status. In case you weren't aware, Facebook is now what declares any relationship changes official. It doesn't matter if you haven't spoken in months, if it's still on Facebook, it is. So go ahead and change that status. And while you are at it, you may want to change your profile picture.
What I would advise against is deleting everything related to your ex in a fit of rage. Maybe seeing those zoo pictures are making you cry right now, but they are still a part of your life. Pictures and wall posts may mean something to you when you are.... less angry, so take a while to think about it. Also think about deleting them before you do it. Do you want to save the friendship?
Once your relationship has ended in every official and unofficial way, move on to step two!

Step 2: Mope. Cry. Punch your pillows. Write angry letters and emails (but you probably shouldn't send those.) My point is, heart break hurts like hell. Don't deny yourself time to grieve. You've just ended a relationship with someone who was a part of your life for some amount of time, it's perfectly fine to show your emotions. Take as much time as you feel is appropriate. For instance, I've allotted myself 4 days for the 4 months we were together. Of course I will miss him after those 4 days are up, and I'll still love him for a long time after. But the fifth day is the day I stop letting myself be brought to tears thinking about the past. After you've reached your fifth day, or fifth week, head to step 3.

Step 3: The one thing that has always bothered me is that after a break-up, you avoid or despise things that remind you of the other person. That is why step 3 is to find something you enjoy that reminds you of the other person and do it. My ex is a barista, and every time I smell or drink coffee I think about him. Right now, I have a large cup on my desk and I'm okay with that. The only way you are ever going to change your feelings is if you can associate those things with something happier, and the only way to do that is to get over your aversion to them. So maybe I'm smelling my coffee and thinking about when I would stop in to see him when he was at work. It's just another step to getting over that heartbreak.

I'm sure there are more steps, but this is as far as I've gotten. I still have to mail his things back to him, so I'm sure I'll have more good steps to getting over heartbreak soon.

What are your best tips for getting over heartbreak? Post a comment, let me know!

1 comment:

  1. Your tips are all really good. This is good advice, Nikki. I'm glad that you used this experience to help others.

    Have a great day,